me, just playing around

that free spirited girl

Personal Style Blog transfer note:
Officially moved to fashionnutcase


Tons of changes coming this's keeping me busy and often off of the net these days so just e-mail me whenever on the email address at the bottom of this post.

The most personal posts are on friends only mode so...

....just comment on this post to be added to the friends' list, thank you! I don't do random adding anymore.

*****It's not hiatus or semi-hiatus anymore. I just really go online as necessary now and remaining somewhat impersonally so.*****

E-mail me at:

me, just playing around

indecisions that stall life and then more showbiz news

And I ended up not really applying for anything yet because I'm indecisive like that but I do know I need a job soon to be officially adulting although that isn't something I'm really good at. I mean, I'm not at all good at adulting, that is. It's just that something came up yesterday while I was browsing the net randomly and found a brand of clothing with a philosophy I can actually get behind with like that of Human Heart Nature's. I guess retail is it, for me, rather than the usual office-type jobs like online tutoring. This brand, Straightforward, as of August 29 this year has been looking for an in store fashion consultant for here and Makati (if I got the job, I'd very much like to be stationed here, for now, at least). I think I don't really mind working in retail and sales, I might end up having to go home late since work like this, especially in-store, tends to get their employees to finish work late (malls close at around 7-8 in the evening here for now, in the weekends, they go until 9 in the evening even or worse, 10) and there's no off days unless it's the holidays where even malls are closed (the weekends of the holy week and the new year). But then again, I don't really know so much about what I'm in for should I be given this job or qualify for it. So who knows? I might be let out early to work on blog stuff on fashionnutcase on an almost daily basis or something like it. Either way, I haven't really sent in my resume yet but it's been spiffed, beefed up-ish and ready to be fired away by email to the address the careers page of the site said to email it to, along with a link to my fashion, lifestyle and travel blog so...yeah. We'll see.

The metro is too dang stressful for me and chaotic and the beach from there is just so far away you'd have to take a really long drive down to wherever (Camarines Sur area or somewhere farther south or the opposite, even high up north to Dagupan and even the Batanes group of islands...) I'm probably crossing off the Human Heart Nature Digital/Social Media Marketing and stuff job off my list of dream jobs in the marketing, sales and retail department. I haven't even mentioned how the traffic in metro up there is crazy. Zalora is also looking for in store fashion consultants like that of Straightforward's but it's on contract basis. I don't mind but again, it's Makati-based and I still don't really like the idea of living in the metro, at all. When it comes to cities here in the Philippines, Cebu City is so far my max strength or tolerance level, at the most.

Off whatsoever and yet still in the same topic, it's kind of funny my mother mentioned when the cousins were here from Saudi Arabia with their 'rents that I once mentioned, when I was a wee toddler, that I wanted to be like the lady next door---a retail employee at a mall, most likely a supervisor of a certain department of it. I find it funny because, right now, I'm actually leaning towards that career choice at the moment.

Staying in a cubicle and working on papers, I think, is something fine for me if I have the weekend off but the office-based tutorial job has weekends off but it's shifting, so...yeah... Frankly, I just want a job that allows me enough time for myself to do stuff I'm interested in like fashion blogging and it's so difficult to find one like it. Originally, I wanted one that would allow me less contact with people as too much people contact usually drain me by the end of the day but granted the tutoring job and this in-store fashion consultant job is all about meeting with people and being around them a lot, actually talking to them on a daily basis...and originally, I did quit my freelance writing job for a change of pace and I guess I have really no choice but to suck things up and do whatever, even if it means I have to say, prostitute myself, fake it so people think I'm actually a very outgoing person just to continue to survive this life and earn much more than usual. Either way, my end goal really is to be able to live on my own stuff (say, maybe a business of some sort since I fancy the thought of owning my own boutique for one, which is a fusion of things) and just, I don't want to stay employed by someone else, some company for years and years to come.

Once again, I'm not really a good role model for young ones to emulate so teaching doesn't seem to really be for me although it's my main undergraduate course. It's also my post-graduate course. I actively avoid it until now no matter the lucrative salary offer. Something about it just so isn't me somehow. I don't really know either.

So in a nut-shell, I'm kind of in a crazy self...thing right now with indecision plaguing me among others so yeah. Life. Then again, it's no surprise everything for me has always been crazy erratic...I mean when we're talking about life and career in general. I've always been flighty whatever the aspect in life and will probably remain so even then. I've grown attuned to this erratic, crazy life I'm leading somehow I don't think anyone can understand what it's like unless they're as crazy as I am.

My mum said when I had my birthday just recently (I don't have the habit of saying how old I am yearly because most of the time, like time itself, I want to keep age and numbers out of sight and out of mind---typical for flighty, young at heart, not really adult-adults like myself---ages but a number to us and it's really just a number among other things) "I hope you'll be more responsible." ....and I don't think I'll ever be really responsible. I can be when needed but in my own time, like now? Hell no. I'm a wild child and a free one even if I'm more of a hermiting homebody than anything, really. I'm still the restrained wild child but I'm going there since I don't know...I'm eh...just boring but sort of, of the free and wild variety. I mean, I think you know what I mean or what I'm getting at here, do you? Yeah, I really don't either. Haha.
Instead of mulling things over last night as I planned to, I ended up flipping over pages of a Vivi mag I have by the bed and then sleeping thereafter, at 11 in the eveing. It was way too early for me but eh...hardly mattered now. I guess I was too tired overthinking stuff and well...stuff.

On the upside, I woke up to news on Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie divorcing. They're far from my favorite Hollywood couple (and deep inside, during the whole Jennifer Anniston-Brad Pitt-Angelina Jolie thing during the Mr. and Mrs. Smith era---never really watched the movie but eh, whatever---I was definitely pulling for Jennifer so I was basically teamJenn back then and until now, just by a bit only) but I wanted to see how the people on Oh No They Didn't reacted to this one, so yeah, I'm currently lurking on there this morning. I opened the page, linked to me by a close friend and confidant on Twitter (thank god for like-minded people in my life~ I love you, kat_desu~ [@catisneko/@katistooamused on twitter] <3), to find there are now 50+ pages of comments on there to sift, scan or skim through. Ah, ONTD, you never disappoint me especially when it comes to the point where I need something to amuse myself from breakfast 'til brunch. Really, I'm not too invested in this couple. I'm also surprised people were actually rooting for them to last when they know nothing really lasts ong in tinseltown/Hollywood. The only Hollywood couples I like at the moment are Sarah Michelle Gellar-Prinze and Freddie Prinze Jr., Eva Mendes and Ryan Gosling (plus their now-two baby girls because they such an adorable family not getting papped much~ The more private the hollywood couple, the more I like them, actually), and Ginnifer Goodwin and Josh Dallas.

I actually low-key stan some celeb relationships/couples but only really if I like the two involved in the relationship personality-wise or maybe if there's just one of them I like. As for Brad and Angie, I like neither, personality-wise but I'm willing to be objective about some of the films and stuff they've made over the years. Then again, I'm not usually a fan of mainstream movies so I'm usually meh over their movies---past movies like Angie's Girl Interrupted and Tomb Raider, I guess I could get behind, but I haven't been a fan of the more recent ones unless they were/are really, really good.
(my screen shot)
Seriously this, though?!?!?! LOL and RIP CNN's credibility as an international household name for everything important news.

Oh and by the by, the headline today on ABS-CBN's TV Patrol news program on the Jolie/Pitt divorce case is 'walang forever' (lit. translation: 'there is no forever' or 'forever doesn't exist'). And I'm like, you know, it's Hollywood. It's not surprising for that to be the case there. I quickly sort of noped out of the news program downstairs as I've been drowing in Delima and supporting senators vs Duterte, Cayetano and supporting senators are quickly becoming too messy for me to take and follow. I'm aware this would make me look like I'm cold and unconcerned about local politics but seriously? I don't really like politics all that much. It's...messy and chaotic by far. I care more for social causes and issues than I do political issues, to be honest.

At least Atsuki (a-X's) update on twitter is adorably relieving enough to take my mind away from all the politics on television/the local news. That one is good tonight. Also, I was totally just geeking out on the 3 to 5-episode marathon of season 2 of Brookly Nine Nine's on Jack TV tonight prior to the national news program on tv. So, so fun~ I'm definitely coming off as a couch potato on here now but it's really no suprirse either I'm like that. lol.

girl, backless white dress, I want this dress

hair and beauty stuff; being an anti-establishment someone; No Filter; and fandom

The struggle to go blonde from jet black continues to be a struggle.

Just had my hair lightened with white hair bleach (L'oreal's blue bleach is much more ideal for dark asian colored hair lightening) and then toned with HBC's Hortaleza Golden Blonde color creme the night before yesterday. Impossible to get L'Oreal's Quick Blue here as it's really not available anywhere else but probably in the States. I so wish we had Sally's here like they do in California but alas, we don't so resorting to whatever cheapie find there is in the local market here is what I've ended up doing. Thank heavens for that hair and beauty supplies store I am now likely to frequent by Pabayo and Hayes Sts. Their bleach for about just 75 Php comes with a developer already. All you have to do is mix the powder they have in a really small container with the 2 parts of developer they already offer in the small plastic cup (it is capped, of course, for safety and all) and your bleach is ready for the hair roots touch up whatsoever. But in my case, I found their plastic container quite small so I'm going to transfer everything into a wider plastic mixing bowl on the next bleaching session before mixing them well. I suspect the reason the bleach and developer didn't work on my hair before was because it wasn't mixed that well. The roots had already grown really long from the last color session I had last December 2016 so I thought it was the right time for a touch up. I'm pretty lazy with keeping the hair in the color it's been bleached and dyed with so at the moment, it looks like I have the coveted ombre hair. The top part is a darker brown, the lower part is a lighter brown that's veering towards blond. Thing is, it's really just two-tone.

I've been aiming for a really light blonde, more like dirty blond for a while now and it's a tedious and long process so far. I should be due for another bleaching process in a couple of weeks from now. I'm just letting my hair rest for a while from a couple of nights ago's foray into white bleach powder bleaching (redundant, I know) and color creme toning. The picture above is the end goal of this whole damage-your-hair-with-bleach-and-color process I'm undergoing and so obsessed with at the moment. So far, very minimal damage has been done to the hair and weirdly, it still feels as soft as ever but probably not as much as my old, thick-y natural jet black, as I doused it with 2-3 drops of coconut oil right before the bleaching and the toning. I use the Jeremy Russel purple dye thing with a shampoo and conditioner but do not shampoo as often as I used to, so yeah. Dry shampoo helps, too. If you don't have it or the funds for ready made/manufactured ones, there's always the alternative of diy-ing it with baking soda and some other thing. Homemade stuff for hair care etc...I usually go to the freepeople blog for those. They have really cool stuff there from time to time.

If I can't do another bleaching process in two or three weeks because the bleach is weak again then I'll go and do a bleach wash or bath once a week starting the week after this or the next instead. It might be cheaper and more time effective that way to maintain a lighter than usual hair color and to go from a darker color to a lighter one from there. I don't think I can subject the already highly damaged tips of my hair to another bleaching and coloring process in a short period of time as to a couple weeks to a month again after this or the next two weeks'.

Due to the amount of bleaching and toning, with semi-permanent to permanent creme color no less, I'm looking to invest on probably Human(Heart)Nature's Salon Care conditioner one day and their hair serum...if I can't, since it might be overkill to get the sunflower hair serum when I have Sunflower Oil luxe from them from Saturday's purchases after their magalogue launch I joined in for the first time that day, I'll use just that. I'm also considering their hair mask but that and the Salon Care conditioner might be pretty overkill especially if you're using the former as a conditioner as well. It should minimize my expenses and keep me from wandering off to try and purchase that sort of hair mist with keratin from Tresemme I've been eyeing on the Zalora shopping site for awhile now---there's the Sunflower Oil Luxe from HHN so why bother with this, exactly? Usually, I just diy almost everything lately, anyway, as I am a huge fan of...hmn...oils. A mix of carrier and essential oils (with coconut oil as the main carrier) has been my go-to moisturizer and lotion with HHN's sunscreen has been daily routine for me before going out. It saves me from buying lotions on the market that aren't vegan and etc. My dilemma has just recently been where to get my oils since even coconut oil here is difficult to find unless you went to the local fairs where local products producers display their stuff for marketing purposes. I see them there at 150-200 Php per 200-500 mL bottle but it only happens once or twice a year so even that is bust at acquiring the coconut oil I need. Cold pressed coconut oil is also difficult to find somehow but I keep about one to two online suppliers in my contacts list bookmarked for those so...yeah. It makes life so much easier for me as a wannabe vegan, mostly vegetarian-pescetarian someone. Sunflower oil of any sort is available at HHN so I use that for most things with coconut oil. HHN really should invest on that one, too, as coconut is native and endemic to us here in the tropical region. Lately, it's also my favorite fruit or something like it. Coconut water is just, love.

Ah, as a fan of Human(Heart) I've decided to be a dealer. I became one awhile ago this year because I seem to purchase a ton of things from them and use them a lot but in no way does that one limit me to just using HHN stuff on a daily basis. I still love discovering chemicals-free, organic, vegan stuff in the market all the time and some of those that aren't but still are pretty good. I like their advocacies for one. This dealership was really just meant for personal consumption but it seems there are a few others who love their products as I do so I don't mind being the channel to which you guys can acquire them at a pretty affordable price than usual. So if you need someone to give you stuff at discounted prices from HHN, feel free to contact me by email (it's on the sticky post above) or on my fangirling/flailing twitter. Direct messaging me on the latter would be preferrable. I could nominate you as an end shopper or just give you a 5-10% discount on their stuff directly.

Anyway, so far, that's it for my hair and daily sutff recently. Haha. I just felt like sharing because I'm pretty new to experimenting with the hair from December 2016 and it seems to be sticking now even more. I'm still pretty reserved in doing whatever to my hair at home and out, for fear of damaging it further than it already has been and to me, and walking around with orangey hair is just not an option. It's too scary to do so, so experimenting with the hair with guidance of what I read and watch about it upon researching on it online and offline is my way to go where hair care, coloring, bleaching and stuff is concerned. I'm not a hair care expert so this is the least I can do. I just really avoid going to the salons so much as those we have here aren't as good as those abroad (especially in Japan for one) so yes, this is the only alternative for me. I cut/trim my own hair at home so I don't really go to salons...I'd probably only go if I needed it layered but even layering for stylists there seem to be bust it's annoying. They just don't really know how to make a certain hairstyle fit your make and such, it's frustrating. Also, it's a shame for the price they offer their services for.
No Filter for the Millenials by Millenials
Mum beat me to reading Summit's recent published piece of modern day literature, No Filter. It's contents are pretty interesting and it has been turned into a play, a monologue stage play particularly performed by youngsters, fellow millenials like Sam Concepcion and many others. I was reading it bit by bit last Saturday night while waiting for the bleach and hair dye to cook up my hair and do wondrous things with it...not-wondrous things happened but I just means that I still need to work hard in getting a lighter color from here on out with mostly hair bleach. Haha.

I've only read 2-3 pieces off of it yet including its foreword and I could tell it's a book to have for those who want to understand the kind of world the millenials are dealing with and living in at this time and to have for millenials to consider as their bible. People of the classical, traditional world and thought will likely find it amusingly different or maybe, to the extremes, hate it but it's worth having just so anyone can fit in the world of millenials, rather one dominated by millenials.

Which No Filter book is it? I meant this one, the two on the photo above. It's actually a pretty good bok although the art in it is too much to my eyes. Contents wise...I like it. Art-wise, as a child of the minimalist thought, it could've been done better. 0/10, I wouldn't keep that in my very obvious, visual bookshelf in the room whose contents I still need to fix, by the way. If you want it for the contents and the arts (photography, etc), it's available in National Bookstore at about 295 Php or something.

I wouldn't really call it my bible though, I think, as I'm a mixture of things millenial and not. I do fit in with the millenials but sometimes, I find myself not fitting in well with them. I'm...I don't know...I think the best thing to describe me would be as "a child of pop culture." I'm also a continuing student of it.
the woes of having a 9-5 job
I've lived off of freelance writing for a while now and granted I blog a lot more than I use social media, Twitter not-withstanding (although I have been limiting my time spent there either) I think I'd settle more for being a blogger and an online seller of stuff rather than settling for a 9-5 job. Yet, I'm about to go into a 9-5 job thing anyway, later. Or at least try it. I didn't push through going to the online tutoring services office last Friday just because. I'll go later. It's not really a 9-5 but it's close, it's shifting so it's still quite the same thing more or less.

I don't know what it is about 9-5s that repulse me. It's been the case since I started freelance writing and sometimes, tutoring among others. Freelancing is more my thing, I guess. It gives me freedom to do whatever in my spare time. I don't think full time professionalism is my thing since I'm pretty anti-establishment. My ideal job would likely be somewhere in the fashion industry and/or the music industry. Business...if I had my own, pretty much, yes. Or I guess so anyway. I haven't decided if business is for me but Entrepreneurial stuff, most likely, I'd go for that. I'm not into mainstream corporations that much and ceased really liking them and their products unless they're the general ones I need and I can't find any organic and stuff alternative. Teaching...if I were to do university teaching as I am supposed to, I'd just go part time. I'm not really full-time teacher material nor do I think I am teacher material at all...I'm not a good role model and never deemed myself to be so. If there's anything I'd like to inspire people to do, it's to be themselves or be radically different because I'm a strong advocate of personal freedom or the freedom of personal, individual expression. I'm not a fan of bureaucracies and hierarchies for one and power in business and the corporate world has never been something I'm interested in.

Although I don't like hierarchies, I do respect people of power...just some. If they're using it---their power---well, then good, but if they're not doing anything good with that at all, then their existence mean very little to me. If there's anything I really hate, though, it's uniformity and the corporate world is really big on that for me. Their style of doing things is pretty oppressive in my opinion. Google, I read somewhere online, is treating their workers better, allowing them to expres themselves freely in whatsoever. I think professionalism is something that needs to be thrown out the window these days, it hardly matters anymore anyway. Those who stay in that mindset are, I feel getting behind the quickly moving forward/advancing world that does so at a very stylish pace. I think you can be a professional in the way you work and act but other things, nah. I'd really rather people were given the option to retain their individuality in other things while still getting along with their clients etc, or still able to provide the right services as well as treat others as equal like themelves and their peers.

A ton of things in 9-5s, the corporate industry/world, financing businesses and so on are pretty...restricting. And it's not like the jobs are interesting or something to that's...pretty soulless once you get in there it's bound to devastate anyone with a creative mind and soul and such that crave for freedom of self-expression.

I guess there really are just people like me and then there are a lot of those that aren't. The former is pretty rare.

I'm a live and let live type who doesn't even have half the mind to settle down and have a family whatsoever. Kind of funny people keep pushing me that way when that's not what I want. Everyone expects that of me, I don't, however. I'm too deep and radical and free a thinker to settle for the simple life everyone expects me to have.

Almost everyday, almost all the time, it's the same questions: have you ever considered applying for a corporate job? (nope, no thanks) when are you going to get married? (either probably never or some other...when I'm 40, maybe... but even that is pretty suspect. haha) have you ever considered having kids? (probably I'll adopt one but I'm leaning towards just staying childfree, single mother, married parent or some other, I'd make a pretty shitty parent to a kid...) Like...please, stop asking, those questions are pretty unnerving/annoying. You'd probably be the first to know via this blog when some of those happen anyway but it's likely they're not going to.

Either way, moving on, I'm still likely going to check out that office-based online tutoring job offer. I just hope I have enough time, should I get it, for off duty things I want to do in my own free time should I get the job. This isn't really something I'm into but we'll see...

I'm still working on keeping the main fashion and lifestyle blog up by this week onwards. That is, among other things. I have a few ther things to do as well so it's pretty much time to get busy today. Got up at 3 a.m. this morning but it's largely because I slept at 7 or near 8 in the evening last night. I know, it's wayy too early but I wanted to avoid something last night. Haha. It's family related so I'm not divulging that one here.

So until the next post? I'll try to be as constant and random here as I can be possible, checking in from time to time and actually posting.


It seems Atsuki-bae is getting busier with stage plays/butai lately. He's just been offered another one after Anecdote of Mermaid with Catmint with 2 other a-X's members: Masaki and Akari. He seems to have been the only one to get the offer. It's cool~ Yay~ Yes~ Get it! Come to think of it, a lot of my Avex biases are getting really busy nowadays with acting stuff. Akira has Cheerboys which I really want to see and it's not being staged until next year. /cries. I guess, I'm also checking out his other play that just ended, Bleach Rock Musical even if I'm not much of a Bleach fan, manga, anime or otherwise. (I like Orihime but that's it...I suppose. I still feel like Bleach is a rip off of Togashi-sensei's pretty prolific Yu Yu Hakusho and Naruto from the beginning is a Hunter x Hunter ripoff but...yeah...well...) That's about it, I guess. Oh, Nakayama Yuki from SOLIDEMO is in a stage play, too. Not sure exactly what the title is but it looks like it's something about a boyband of some sort or close to it. Haha. I don't really know either. Things are looking up for Avex people on this end, yay. :D

Being blah is a constant, everyday feeling, in my opinion. I'm not sorry I'm not being my cheery self, I've never been for quite awhile so that's just me being me.

new group to stan: a-X's (アクロス), where i've been and what i've been up to there, and life in general

I was supposed to be due back here a few days ago or so but you know, real life stuff and the personal issues with them. Had a few posts drawn up but nothing was posted ultimately but there are a few updates at popculture-etc, including a really long pimp post on the newest coed group from Avex I stan, a-X's (pronounced as 'acros', katakana: アクロス) and the new bias from there, Atsuki (敦貴). Instead of doing a second pimp post to this group here which I find redundant since I've already made one recently in the regular fangirling tumblr blog, I'll just link you to the post to it here: shiny new bias and everything a-X's.

There's really not much else I can share about this group except that, yeah, while I was watching AAA's Fuji-Q Highland concert earlier this week, I noticed they had three a-X's members in the entourage there: Masaki, Airi and Akari. They were playing flag bearers apparently. The AAA Fuji-Q Highland special concert for the group's 10th anniversary celebration was the best concert from them I've watched in a long time. The sets they had there were really topnotch. :D Granted Gold Symphony was one excellent record, this was a given. It reminds me of the earlier concerts they've had from the first three years they were active, 2005-2007 or 2008, the Attack, All and Around album years. AAA is really finally back from producing high quality Jpop music from the 3-year-long lull with Komuro Tetsuya helming their music after their good first three years in Japanese showbusiness.

Feel free to stalk them on their individual twitter accounts, communal instagram account and their website. For these, you can go to the pimp post for the links. They just discontinued their blog on ameblo early this month...unfortunately. But Akari's last entry was pretty sweet and they haven't really deleted the thing.

I'm still, at this time, holding out to the notion that a-X's isn't really final yet and they may re-group one day to smaller number of people per unit. 10 people in one group is way too much for even me to take. This is mostly because I'd really like Atsuki to be given a proper debut like they did with Hibiki, Sato Yusuke and lol (エルオーエル). That one was a proper debut because they came out with a CD single from the get-go even if one of the tracks there was a tie-in with a dance anime. As for the 10-people in one group being difficult to take for me, I don't know much about their other new fans on this. And speaking of new fans, I am so thrilled that there are more people attending ANation this year not just for AAA who is arguably the agency's biggest act so far. lol (エルオーエル) brought in their new hauls this year making ANation an even bigger, more fun event. I'm basing all these from the tweets from people I've been reading about it being their first time this year to go to ANation. Yes, baes <3 Keep on raking in new fans and make Anation a bigger event than before~
Lol. My last post here was, what? January still, this year? That's a long months' worth of non-posting/hiatus. It's really not surprising seeing as real life is taking most of my time at the moment. On the upside, yes! There's stable internet here at home already. Yay~ I don't have to go elsewhere to find internet connection. Lol. Or load the wifi device with credits. We had to cut off our old phone line too because the internet connection came with a phone in a bundle. It's much more convenient, by the by, to be paying for the internet connection and the landline phone in one piece of sorts. The internet here is fast so it's cool. I should be able to do more stuff later with it. Namely, continue my aborted plans of...stuff, due to sucky internet connections in the past.

What have I been up to lately? Travelling, a ton of it and hanging out with the family/relatives coming in from overseas, the world over. Last week and the week before was Mangagoy in Surigao del Norte, the uncle's farm there which was an awesome place by the way---there's no signal for the phones and internet there but it's a great place to sleep and relax in and just do whatever in, Enchanted River part two (I've already been there last year along with a trip to the Britania islands and the Tinuy-an Falls) and that really nice strip of island next to Hagonoy Island. I wasn't able to get good pictures for some reason. Oh, my aunt and I also got to swim with the stingrays, a couple of them, in a fish pen after a quick boating with the ones at Enchanted River. The aunt didn't like swimming in Enchanted River because it looked dirty. I wouldn't really bother swimming there either, to be honest. The two times I were there, I never swam there, just people-watched.

Other travels...I've gone from home, here, to Jasaan in like...the span of two or three days or so. Both times, I stayed at the grandparents' house and the maternal family side's default family vacation house just to pour over a few good, vintage Precious Romance books (the old ones are the ones I like best...not so much the newly released ones but I hardly check those in National Bookstore, the Booksale and a few others anyway -.-). The first night in, we went to check out what's the latest at Araw ng Jasaan, the local founding festival/fiesta. Almost got henna-ed until I decided otherwise as I couldn't find anything print/tattoo pattern I was really attracted to. I did find a couple of hats I wanted from a thrift store/stall but never managed to get them for some reason. Oh and a white dress I didn't bother getting either. I missed to get those for good later on because the aunt and I ran out of money as we gave the lot of them, what we'd had left, to the grandfather's workers in Natubo. We did get to eat and drink a lot of coconut and coconut water so it was a win-win thing, still. The days and nights spent in Jasaan were pretty insane so I didn't have time to do anythng else. Then again, so were the days spent in Mangagoy.

10/10, I'd like to do whatever in those places again one day soon. The islands, and even Mindanao as it is a huge island itself, never really grows old. It's still so much fun living here. So much hiking, so much walking, running and just about every form of water body you can find everywhere. There's a river bend at the uncle's farm a few mintues away from the city center of Mangagoy that should be fun to swim in during the summer or even around the colder months of the year. The water there is just so clear you'd be hardpressed not to take a dip in and I only stopped myself from doing so because I really didn't have any swimming gear on me the time we made it there after a short hike with the uncle and aunt from the former's farm house.

Where would the next travel take me, I wonder? My aunt suggests Canada to visit an uncle there with the cousin (the aunt's daughter) who's based in NYC. I haven't really decided on that one yet.

I think I'd like to travel on my own to Hong Kong again one day since I haven't been there in eons. The last time I was there, I was in 6th grade or 5th grade with the family. I can probably bring a friend or two, my limit is likely just one to two friends. We'll see. Singapore and again, Bangkok is in my to go to list, as well, where Asia travel is concerned. Japan is, of course, but I'm tabling this one for much, much later. Maybe two or three years or so from now. I'm not sure yet. I need to prepare for this one a lot. But yes, Hong Kong definitely is my first international travel on the bucket list to do on my own either this year or the next. It depends on if I'll be able to save a lot. I'd probably end up using my miles accrued from Philippine Airlines for these seeing as I've accrued a ton from international and national travels the past few years. I don't have a Cebu Pacific loyalty card of sorts yet but then again, I don't really use that airline a ton. Dad prefers to travel by PAL when in the country and international airlines when going abroad so, yeah, getting a Cebu Pacific loyalty card for miles accrual seems pointless on this end. Either way, when I do get to travel on my own, I'm bringing the trusty camera among a few others with me.

Ah, reason why there's no travel post on it on the main blog is because I wasn't able to get any decent photos at all. I brought the point and shoot slr with me but I took shots with my phone but I suck so I'm not able to get good ones through that either to post anywhere here. I'll try to compose better photos next time for posts on the main blog on the next travel somehow, among other things. I've been meaning to revive it soon anyhow and maybe really post there regularly now. That is, when I get over whatever rut I'm in at this time. It's been crazy frustrating, life, recently.
My naturally overthinking self is inundated by lots of thoughts leading to a depressive and dark state again today. I hope I survive this day, however, with how I am now. Things have been back to being blah since after the travelling and all. It's back to fighting inner demons for me again and trying to combat social anxiety and depression on my own since I'm not officially diagnosed. I need to be somehow as it's been going on for ages now. It used to be on/off, I'm admittedly a seasonal depressive someone. I don't really like the rainy season but it's taken the turn for the worst this past year or two or so recently. I just have zero motivation to do all, and when I try to get myself up, something always ends up shooting me, my esteem and especially my drive down.

I'm also not fond of people so it may have exacerbated the now-frequent bouts of social anxiety. My dad might have had a brush with depression numerous times in his patients' cases but not social anxiety. I'm actually an introvert (INTJ according to the personality test I took online) so it's likely the root cause of severe social anxiety at this time. I can only tolerate family and some close friends at this time. Others...and I get a mental breakdown. I can't even spend a long time in the mall anymore unless I were there to just watch a movie (on my own or with a good friend) or to purchase something I need from the grocery store or somewhere else. I used to like people watching. I think I still do but I haven't done this one in a while now.

Social anxiety + Depression is a pretty heavy thing to deal with just on my own and no therapist or expert on hand to help me get a good handle on them. I like to think I don't really mind though, not seeing a therapist or going into therapy because as an introvert and a seasonal depressive, I just might be able to follow the examples of those who've gotten their depression and social anxiety on their own one day. I've been researching about it and have found that changing lifestyles help. I'm still struggling with that until now as I haven't been exercising regularly/daily either. I don't think I'd want to be prescribed anti-depressants either. I'm already messed up hormones-wise as I've been through some operations here and there, tonsillectomy and dental corrective stuff among others, so I think anti-depressants might just worsen my condition rather than help me out with that.

The parents haven't given up on me yet which is good but I really wish they could just, a. leave me alone to this and b. let me recover at my own pace little by little rather than getting me to shock my system with huge decisions being thrust into me here and there. Ugh, I'm giving myself a headache again like yesterday's. I had stuff planned or something today but I'm getting discouraged again to do things.

Despite 0 motivation and drive, I'm still pretty much functioning and although the thought of death has crossed my mind, I'm not suicidal. I don't really like pain and blood either, rather I'm afraid of both. The thing is, I'm just still an empty shell and were it not for fandom, family and the occasional travel, I probably would have already offed myself long ago.

The happy go lucky, cheery self I show outside to people? It's a deceptive mask. It's something I've mastered over the years. I suspect the kindness is the same. I've been a cruel and manipulative person deep inside since time immemorial who's also prone to judging people mentally by whatever they do and act as/like. I just don't voice out my opinion of people much on this. Also, I have pretty radical thoughts/views closed off to the rest of the world/close minded, traditional people will be shocked to find so should I speak them out. I only now get along with people on the surface recently and don't like it when they try to dig deeper into me, myself and I. Not a lot has tried though, so that's a good thing.

I'm still the what you get is what you see on the outside type but a darker, more somber version of my sunny cheery long ago self, I suppose. The lack of stuff is the problem people have in me---they don't understand it, including my parents but that's all there really is, the lack of stuff (motivation, drive, etc). I'm not a problem child in other aspects, for one, I'm not a wild partier although I listen to EDM a lot these days. Deep house and tropical house especially. I'm not really a druggie either. I don't take illegal drugs, never have never will. I don't even drink a lot of the usual medicine for flu, colds, cough, fever and the likes. I was a one-time alcoholic but that was a couple of years towards the end of college and even I was hush-hush and cool, calm and controlled around it. I don't smoke either. I think I'm just...I don't know. Bullish about getting my way that when I didn't get it or them, I got depressed? Not saying I'm a perfectionist, I'm just determined or used to be anyway.

It's just more that...there's a huge gaping hole in me that just can't be covered by anything and my zest for all the things I've been interested in, in the past has been killed off. The past year or two, I found that I just don't find the things I used to find enjoyable, interesting and stuff, enjoyable and interesting anymore. There are sparks here and there but nothing permanent, they die out too easily. That's what I'm trying to get back little by little but many are killing it by applying more pressure and push onto me from everywhere, the abroad and the locale, both.

One remedy I tried a while ago was setting a routine up for myself. I slept early, woke up early, exercised, did some house chores and back again but somewhere along the way, I relapsed. I was on track and something made me relapse. It might have been people, my parents especially my mom and now my dad can be downers at times. I don't really want to relapse anymore but I keep doing so anyway. More than anything, I actually pity myself as my parents repeatedly said they do and that's what keeps me stuck here. There is just that endless cycle of trying to get back up and getting shot down I don't think I'll be able to get out of this rut soon and I want to be out there again much. I willpower seems at the lowest at this time.

Before this goes any further today, I might as well have to see what I can do about myself today. I've been meaning to clean the room and I'll do that this morning before going out to try and apply for this one online tutoring job. I'm still all anxious nerves but I'll play it cool somehow...I think. I've always wanted a change in pace anyway. Freelance writing online, home-based was the one thing after Nursing college that drove me down here anyway. I don't think I can ever busify myself again with writing for anyone unless it were me working so in an office on a daily basis. The problem there, however, is that I don't think I can ever be stuck into a soulless job for so long again. Sadly, writing and teaching english are probably the only two things I'm good at in this life I can do something out of aside from fangirling/flailing and being a beach bum and stuff.

I know I still do love blogging and fashion or personal style so I'll get back to that one day when my drive and motivation is back...somehow. I've been amassing a few things lately from the occasional online shopping---I don't do physical shopping much anymore unless it were in a thrift store or something else like urgent needs---that needs documenting, I think. But even my shopping has dwindled down. It's not like my fashion choices have been interesting recently anyway. (Unfortunately for mum, I don't think I can ever really power dress anywhere as a teacher whatsoever...professional dressing isn't really my forte no matter how much I love clothes and stuff.) It may have been but not really. I'm still the most boring, casual dresser there is out there. Were it not for my basics mixing and matching skills, I'd probably not be considered a fashionista at all. It doesn't really help much that the mum isn't at all happy at my fashion choices. It just makes things all the more depressive for me on that end. She's even critical of my diet and all. :|

I need my fuck it and them all to hell and back attitude back but I don't seem to find anything helpful to bring it back yet. People still manage to kill that sense in me however much I'd like to get on with life starting with that...ideology, sense, whatsoever.

This entry is getting longer just talking about 0 motivation, drive and depressed and socially anxious me. I might as well distract myself with stuff to do now lest I want to spiral down again. I'll do that walk-in application for the tutoring job this afternoon then even when I think it's not the right time for me to do so. It's not that I'm not ready, it's more that I really need to take things slow. This is not taking things slow and most likely will not give me back my drive back. Jobs like this, especially that it's tutoring, are pretty...well...shackling to everything I've been trying to avoid: dress codes, people (primarily the bullshitting judgemental types I hate), company policies. I don't really deal with authority well but it seems, for the sake of survival, I might have to. I am actually pretty anti-establishment as a creative that's currently highly repressed because establishment and this mad traditional locale devoid of innovation that it doesn't even allow for self-expression-free work environments dictates on me to conforme and stay repressed. It doesn't really help at all when deep inside all you want is to deviate as you're basically a boring person anyway. I won't voice it out but I would just mull over it anyway, overthink and depress myself about it. Well, I'm just bound to depress myself all over again after this. I sincerely hope not.

Well, we'll see how this day goes.

I have zero ideas when I can post again. Maybe one day soon. We'll see with this as well.


two zero one six

I haven't been around lately, sorry. I guess I'd been busy with certain things...primarily spending most of December 2015 until the 2nd of January in between Long Beach, California, LA and Burbank and mostly camped in cars for hikes with people (the family and some friends) and stuff.

Anyway...YES! 2016. I rang it with the family fine and here's to hoping everything is good this year until the next. Here's to another year Haha.

What have I been up to lately...? A girl friend, one of many, helped me get this Start Journal from the local Bo's Cafe/Coffee House.

Upon getting it and owning it for just a night tops for now, I've devolved into someone using ballpoint pens and finepoint signpens to color the pages...including pencils. Yes.

I'm primarily a doodler/writer...not necessarily obsessed with coloring books but thanks anyway for making me realize I cannot color and think in color to save my life. Life in colors? Nah...contrary to what others may think...I'm super monotone. It's a sad life I live---black, grey, white is my official lifetime palette.

Also, apparently, I'm invested in putting anything re: fandom in the thing. Da-iCE will infest anything I have, it seems. So much for them advocating love of what's local. Don't worry, I still love Bo's as equally as the other cafes...I just...probably still prefer Coffee Bean more. This one good bff is just making me spend more time in Bo's more than any other cafes recently just because...but I'm fine with it. And I never was able to get the CBTL Giving Journal I've been aiming to get for forever now. It's all thanks to the December USA trip. ;^; But this is a decent alternative although it is too flowery for my taste on the cover... Moleskins are too expensive for me so I settled for this notebook. :\ Didn't think about getting something similar, with a minimal cover design from National Bookstore like I did with last year's pocket sized planner so...

Daiso is awesome not only for the notebook but for the rubber stamps as well. I use it to mark dates on the diy planner every now and then. Of course, I have other rubber stamps as well. I might just have become addicted to them lately. That and stickers. I'd decorate the planner, organizer, journal and all in one with them and probably some photos I'd get printed out. I still need an instax mini. But yay for a non-boring planner this year. :D Here's to hoping I don't forget it exists because I tend to ignore planners after the quarter of the year is done or so. This is why I never buy the pre-templated planners like Belle De Jour anymore. Aside from them being too expensive (I'm cheapie and practical so I'd rather go for a 100-200+ National Bookstore brand, possibly Stradmore planner over those fancy ones Rappler just ennumerated in one article that cost up to 1000+), they never really seem to fit my tastes and needs. A planner is a planner, there's no need to go for something bigger unless it was something like the one from Bo's a friend who's a fan of Bo's helped me with. That Start Journal feels more like a tedious activitiy book than anything like a proper journal. If it was filled with just blank pages, I would have been happier or if it was a writing and thinking journal instead. :\ I love visual art, like coloring, charcoaling and stuff but at this time, I can only think in monotones. It's a sad, bleak life.

More creative projects? I don't really know yet, those are the only things I'm doing these days. I'll keep updating the main blog this time, however, so keep an eye out. Seeing as I have really limited internet connection nowadays. I'm frequently not online because loading 100 Php for the 7-day flexitime prepaid package is a pain when regularly done so, so yes, I've been mighty scarce even more. Internet in airports in other countries I've been to is better than this. Surfmax is just one huge disappointment at this time. :\

Bonus few things...

Having the US planes (we went by Delta Airlines) have international transfers at Narita Airport in Tokyo is a wondrous thing. I'm just berating myself until now why I never hauled anything from the pharmacy by our gate I went to where I got the magazines from. And still, no Junon so *cry* Also, that's totally Kanjani8 on Cancam's cover. I've become less of a fan from the last time I enjoyed this one show of theirs. I just picked up that one for its contents. I'm still an eternal Vivi stan however. The keychain is the only bit of Japan that's indestructible and can last a long time that I was able to get from the souvenir shop at the said airport. Oh and I'm still holding out for the right occasion to use that Peanuts Sweet(?) x Ungrid tote that came with the Sweet magazine. It seems I still have one too many totes from aunts and cousins I haven't been using much lately. The strawberry printed one is still my favorite all around tote among most of those.

It's a trip to the US. I just had to stock up on stuff. I'm pretty much all set for the rest of 2016. But I'd probably get some Boots/No7 or Yes to Blueberries etc packs of towelettes next time when the VS Pink pack runs out. They're highly useful when you're on the run most of the time. Also, when you're too lazy to wash your face at night. Most of the face serums and stuff are organic and free of sulfates and parbens, yes. Indeed I'm pretty much set for the rest of 2016.

And belated happy new year to y'all. :)


sunny jamaica represent! an OMI, me 4 u record review

This is way, way, way overdue and I feel like I have a ton of posts like this to catch-up on/churn with the amount of music records/albums I devour on an almost daily basis. Okay, maybe every week or so? This week alone, I've already gone through Carly Rae Jepsen's Kiss record/album as I have fallen hopelessly, crazily, insanely (crazy and insane are synonymous but whatever...) in love with the track titled Good Time she collab-ed with Owl City with---I came across the song and MV on Channel V as usual. I've also tried some of Owl City's works but I'm on the fence with whether I should review this or not...for certain reasons. And I've been listening over and over to Years and Years and Walk the Moon and I never really even made any reviews for those pretty epic records both groups/bands released this year or around late last year (?...not so sure). Yeah, yeah, I'll work on a review for both Years and Years' Communion and Walk the Moon's Talking is Hard soon. Very soon. Just don't expect it to come out late this week. I might be able to get it out sometime next week or so.

OMI intrigued me so much when Channel V had him as their newbie highlighted artist for a certain time last month. Prior to finding out Cheerleader was actually an OMI original, I'd first heard it from Pentatonix...several times (they're apparently an AXN favorite among others) and thought it was a Pentatonix original. After hearing so much of OMI mentions over and over---say, maybe about a week?---from Channel V (yes, in case you're wondering, when I have nothing better to do, I actually park a whole lot there and very rarely do so in the local MTVPinoy...our cable provider's package we subscribe to doesn't include Myx, apparently), I finally jumped the gun to try his full length record, Me 4 U. The overplayed, and what evolved as kids' today's anthem, Cheerleader aside, I thought I'd finally found the right record to load into my iPad and bring with me to the plane to Manila, to the bus from Manila to Bagac, Bataan and back the past week or so.

Feel good, summer-y music is my default jam. If you see me with my headphones on, dancing randomly to some music I'm playing on any player on hand, it's likely that kind I'm listening to. And hell yes! OMI's Me 4 U is god-sent as it is filled with really good Jamaican-chill, feel-good music influenced pop tracks. It wasn't too tiring to listen to on the bus ride from Manila or NCR to Balanga, Bataan and the car ride from Balanga to Bagac. The tracks flowed from one to the next organically until it reaches full circle at the end of the record or the last track of the record that it's decided that it's high up there with the many records I consider decent like, say Tove Lo's Queen of the Clouds among others. I'm a sucker for an well-pieced together record that when one listens to it, one notices that every track is a perfect fit to said record, to the artist's style or music identity and more. This organic flow from one track to the next is one huge requirement for me to give any music record or album a grade of A- to A or even an A+ should I find its contents really excellent to the point it's something I'd never tire of playing over and over and over.

This, sans the fact that I begrudgingly retired OMI's Me 4 U on the drive back from Bagac, Bataan to the Metro because every kid I'd hung out with---generally, I don't hang out with kids but there weren't much people my age to talk everything sensible with at that time...?---to make way for, well, playing a lot of SOLIDEMO. The kids' endless looping of OMI's Cheerleader and singing to it even without its music (acapella) basically got to me between days 2 and 3 in Bagac with the family and the extended family. Thank heavens the kids only got ahold of this track via mainstream media (local radio stations, music tv stations, etc) and not the whole record from OMI otherwise I'd probably never gone through with this review had I heard the whole record over and over and over and over from kids about 3/4ths of my age. There's a point to overplaying beautiful records and saturating me with it because, like anyone sane and normal, I do get sick of just listening to one artist and one song or one full record of his/hers/theirs on eternal loop. It probably helps that the kids who were singing to Cheerleader do not yet have any idea how it's just a small part of a great big thing: Me 4 U. May it remain that way or I may just end up strangling someone or something...hnnn... how do I go about this, this time?

Highlights of OMI's Me 4 U record for me are these three:
Cheerleader (Felix Jaehn Remix Radio Edit)
Hula Hoop

Aside from Pentatonix's beautiful acapella cover of Cheerleader, I've never really gotten around to checking out other mixes of this highly viral---to the point that it sickens me sometimes---OMI track. It was however instant love once I heard the album version which is the Felix Jaehn Remix Radio Edit of this track.

Hula Hoop sounds dangerously similar to Cheerleader. Well, we could say that the tracks (all of them) in Me 4 U have similarities because they share a gene---they're Jamaican chill, relaxing music-influenced. The root of their similarity might be the fact that they're very reggae at the core. Jamaica is known for reggae music after all---Bob Marley, to name a few. So if I said Hula Hoop sounds similar to Cheerleader, I actually mean it gives off the same musical vibe somehow. It's not as lively as Cheerleader and it may not have the easy to sing to lyrics like Cheerleader has (even kids would get it, Cheerleader, that is) but right up there with the latter, this makes me want to dance all night the beach, with the sand under my feet and the moon and stars right above my, and everyone else's head. Oh and of course, with the sound of the non-violent waves next to me.

Even less than both Cheerleader and Hula Hoop is Hitchhiker. I say less because even if I included it in my top 3, it's actually a tad bit different to the two lively tracks in terms of musical pacing. You can still dance to Hitchhiker however it's slower in musical pace compared to both Cheerleader and Hula Hoop that are livelier. What drew me to Hitchhiker might have been how catchy it is in the chorus. It's definitey one of the right-up-there-up-high songs for me from Me 4 U.

Before I move on to the so-so part of the record, I'll go to my least favorite. This record can actually do without the title track, Me 4 U. I'm aware the said track should be there because the record is titled Me 4 U after all, after this track however, to me, this is the weakest in the record. Sure, the lady singer/vocalist OMI duets with on this track makes this one a gem but to me, when I listen to it, I actually make of this track as one that flirts more with the generic pop tune types. There's less to no jamaican reggae, chill musical influence to Me 4 U which is disappointing because this is the track that the album's title comes from. Yep, I often do skip this track whenever I'm on an OMI, Me 4 U binge.

Babylon is a bit of a sleeper for me. I don't have any particularly defined strong feeling for it. While I'm at it, I'd lump These are the Days with Babylon. Drop in the Ocean has its sparks (also, it can come off cute at times), particularly from the middle towards the end of it but is as much a sleeper as Babylon and These are the Days is. Promise Land is just so-so for me. I feel like I can actually skip this one along with the few others that I can do so within frequent listening in on the record.

Standing on All Threes is straddling the line between being a sleeper and just a tad bit interesting for me because this seems to be the one track that's really very reggae. Very, very chill reggae. Color of My Lips is right there along with Standing on All Threes in terms of being heavily Jamaican chill reggae-influenced. I just can't seem to muster interest on this one. Standing on All Threes is the better of the two. Stir It is a more popified, a more modernized Jamaican chill-reggae track. Other than the beat, there's not much very Jamaican about it should you pit it with the tracks mentioned on this paragraph. I'd rather go with Fireworks than with Stir It if we're to group together which among the album heavily leans on Jamaican reggae, chill music roots. On the contrary, I actually feel a lot more for Fireworks over the three: Standing on All Threes, Color of My Lips and Stir It. I can picture this track a mainstay at Jamaican music live houses and clubs. It'd also most likely be a favorite in the ones in Ibiza.

Midnight Serenade, however romantic it should feel like, isn't really my cup of tea in this record. It's not really down there with Me 4 U in my book but I feel like this track should have been placed elsewhere...maybe the second album or as a single b-side, not to be released elsewhere.

Sing It Out Loud, the album version that is a Freddy Verano Remix---it says so in its tag---doesn't feel so much like a closing track which is what I like about this record. It's not one of my favorites but it makes easing back to the first track feel or seem effortless. It makes putting the record on eternal loop painless should anyone go for a second or third listen to it. know, you can play the thing endlessly and never really tire of it despite the weak links. It's not a perfect record but it's pretty damn near perfect just because the Jamaican chill reggae music influence (or DNA) is right there, imprinted on 13/14th of the record, minus Me 4 U.

This record is probably something I'd classify as an adult contemporary one. Stir It isn't kids' appropriate. It's not very blatant but if you listened to it carefully especially around its lyrics, it's actually about sexual intercourse or is an invitation of one. Very, very suggestive. Fireworks also is pretty much adult, lyrics-wise. The chorus says so anyway if you had as dirty a mind as I have while listening to it. Haha.

Nope, even if it's bubblegum, reggae-pop and relaxing, I wouldn't recommend this record to very, very young kids. The explorative, more curious pre-teens, teens and young adult might get the concept of the whole record though. There are some pretty kids friendly tracks in here like Cheerleader, however. For the contemplative, I'd go with Hitchhiker and the always on her/his toes for dance-romantic, maybe Hula Hoop. Either way, like ready-to-digest pop music everywhere, it's best to go into OMI's Me 4 U record with an open mind. It offers something to everyone of every walk of life...unless, maybe, you're the kind who prefers the classical music. Then...hmn...let's leave it at that.

If I were a DJ-music producer, would I put this full album out for the whole club I'm playing at to hear? I wouldn't. I'd keep this record for personal listening pleasure. It's a good record put on loop to drive to somewhere far to. As far as club music from OMI's Me 4 U goes, I'd only go with Hula Hoop and Cheerleader...and because it is the closest thing to EDM in this record, These Are the Days (Luca Schreiner Remix), too. I'd play the rest for people in the club or live music venue to wind down the remaining minutes or so of the night to.

Other than the tracks, what I really like about the artist, OMI, himself? His DICTION. His singing diction, specifically. It's the best thing in the record by far. It's most likely the one driving force behind this record that made me like it so much. It makes listening to the record, even if you come to it with a blank or troubled messy mind, so easy to do. Once you get into Me 4 U, due to OMI's magnificent diction and on point singing, there's really no going back.

Should I expect the next album to be better than this? I don't think so. I think OMI's music can only evolve this much. Jamaican chill, appropriate for the beach reggae music is his music identity or signature...deviating from it as it is what he has established himself on from the get go with most of Me 4 U would likely polarize his fanbase. I, for one, as a loose and highly casual music listener with 0 loyalties to any artist would walk out the OMI fandom the moment I hear a not-very-OMI-like record or track following this already decent full-length record.

I'm grading this record an A-.

me, just playing around

on a few things about...well, things...

Lately, you might notice that I've been having one too many absences on a lot of my social media accounts. There are a number of reasons for that:

  • Internet problems. Smartbro sucks. Period.

  • Computer problems. I love this blue and black, tiny, handy Acer laptop/notebook to the tips of my heart and all but it's getting slower somehow. I'm due to get a new one soon. Probably sometime...early next year should all things go well by then. It's at the top of the what-to-get-for-myself list at this time.

  • Real life. Real life's a mess. It's ladden with personal problems that are equally as messy and those that I don't disclose to anyone at random. This post is public so pretty much it's readers/audience count as a 'anyone random.' There's enough drama in real life that there's no need for it in the vast cyber community.

  • I'm minimizing my overrated presence online while also downsizing on social networking sites accounts. I really don't need a lot of social networking sites accounts...

  • I've somehow lost interest in a ton of fandoms or stuff I flail on. This probably has much to do with the problematic real life and the fact that I don't seem to be listening to so much jpop and traditional song and background music lately. I currently have a fixation with chill deep house and/or melodic house music sets on youtube so that might have exacerbated my growing indifference to traditional, basic pop music.

  • I feel like I don't really owe anyone anything when it comes to how I run my social networing accounts among others. In the online world, and this also applies to life offline, in the real world, I don't really owe anything to anyone including the readers/audience of this blog. It's the same with the one I just renamed fashionnutcase. It's/they're my blog/s and my social media accounts so I have liberty enough how I should run them.

  • Social media stresses me out so... Lately, this has been the case so I'm withdrawing from it as much as possible and only posting stuff as necessary.

....well, that's a string of...hmn...things I felt I needed to let out here.

Should I be needed for anything from here, do send me an email at the address I provided at the sticky post up there. That one is staying in there for awhile. I also check comments and twitter direct messages from time to time. I reply to them although often times, it's done so selectively. I'm still the typical fangirl so yes, @kg_0917 and popculture etc. will remain semi-active. I'll tweet and post something on fandom from time to time but as to the won't be as frequently as it were before. I don't post much about real life. It's boring, I don't need mine to be livened up by social media either. If I posted something about real life somewhere, it'd be here, on friends' only mode.

As for the closest friends I'd met here and everywhere else, there's my mobile phone number. Use it to abuse my inbox or something. I have some spare time to spend on any device anyway. But if I don't ever reply, it means I don't have any sms and call credits and likely won't be having any for a while until I need them. I like reading long ass text stuff on anywhere, mobile phone inbox or not so I'm likely to read those things you sent even if they're about nothing in particular useful sense.

I go on Line every once in a while. I can only use the PC version at this time, however. My ipad doesn't allow me to be on there for some reason these days. :( Should I be online when you are, do feel free to click on my username for a chat or something.

Editing things, sifting through contents, working on blog content ideas, feels great to be doing things, actually, and not just lurking around Twitter. :) It's like decluttering and phasing out out-of-season clothes...very...liberating.

Moving on...

....speaking of fandom...
Here are a few things that came by me a couple of months or so ago:

I'll just say this: the contents of the Da-iCE photobook are, kill-me-now divine. I wish SOLIDEMO were also doing a photobook or at least made one but their calendar seems decent for next year. I want one. I'm too broke to get it, though, along with their 8 Collars album. Ugh. As an aside and although as a general rule, I usually am not into actors (I'm always into artists more), I'd like to have a copy of Takeuchi Ryoma's Ryomania, too. I like his acting. If there's one thing that made me turn my head to notice Takeuchi Ryoma, it's his expressiveness. He knows what to do with his face to showcase the appropriate emotion on a certain scene. Also, these expressions he shows the vast audience vary greatly. In a nutshell: he can actually act. Other than that, I actually think he's pretty good looking (smexy). Given his height and build for someone running 22-23 or 24, yep, he's one smoking son of a...and I'm done here. The lol EP came straight from Japan (Tokyo) on a recent trip my parents had there this year...on my birthweek no less. My dad couldn't find SOLIDEMO's Girlfriend single and Da-iCE's Fight Back album I also asked him to look into so...heh. It's okay. I'm planning to get those next time unless they're already out of print. :(

What I have been perusing over and over lately. I'm forming an obsession with Charlie XCX as well, especially since I love the 90s vibe she exudes in her music videos and even her lifestyle in general. All hail the 90s! The Vivi and the Da-iCE photobook came in together in the mail. I love that the former has Mackenyu who's from Kamen Rider Drive's movie, Surprise Future. I can't wait to see it once it gets released by subbers with the appropriate English subs. Kamen Rider Drive is my current toku obsession because of so many things...mainly the cast. I wish Takeuchi Ryoma every good thing he deserves for having been played a huge part in the toku-rider series. He's really good. :D

The Da-iCE photobook and the Vivi mag came with these from kat_desu. I've only managed to watch 2 of Tye Sheridan's movies yet---Mud became an instant like but not really favorite---and in between bouts of re-watching some Kamen Rider Drive stuff, I'll look into popping Whiplash's DVD ang Kingsman's into the DVD player some time...

I have a bunch of things lined up to watch for the Halloween weekend and I won't even be home by then so I'm not sure when I'll be able to get into watching those films I've been meaning to watch for eons now.

As for other things...yes, I'm watching Kamen Rider Ghost weekly. I'll probably pick up a jdrama or two some day. I haven't even watched any decent Japanese film lately. Since tokusatsu is the most accessible, it's the only thing I've been into recently.

I only watch a bit of the usual tv shows I do these's ETC I'm abusing on the local cable channel because of The Flash season 2 (I missed last week's episode...yes), Supergirl (it's premiering on there today), Scream Queens (I don't like Ryan Murphy and avoid anything he does as much as I can as a personal principle but this is a decent series, so...), iZombie (I don't know what makes this show so good, it just really is...I'm not a fan of zombies) and Candidly Nicole Season 2 (Nicole is hilarious, she might be my spirit animal or something...).

Music: because this warrants its own space here...
MH Musique has been a fixation these days. Their 2015 autumn playlist is my current jam. I also lurk in Sensual Musique from time to time. If you guys know of any such similar youtube channels or maybe people in spotify or elsewhere offering the same kind of music---1-2 hours long of feel good, chill, deep house and melodic house (electronic) music---they do, feel free to suggest any of them to me. :)

Anyway, until next time.

  • Current Location: Cagayan de Oro City, Philippines
  • Current Mood: blah blah
  • Current Music: Autumn Mix 2015 _ Une Belle Journee D'automne _ Melodic House via youtube
girl, backless white dress, I want this dress

halloween 2015

Halloween is, perhaps, my favorite time of the year. My fondness for it eclipses even the fondness I have for my personal holiday (birthday), Christmas and the New Year’s. I’ve had a long love affair with it dating back to my pre-teens to early teens when I used to tune in on Sunday nights to businessman and psychic, Jaime T. Licauco’s A.M. frequency radio program---it probably isn’t running any more by now---and when on Halloween weekends, I would camp on the couch, in front of the TV to watch an hour of Magandang Gabi, Bayan’s Halloween (day of the dead/all souls’ day) special shielded from everything scary and eerie on screen by a blanket. I grew up in the 90s where cult TV shows highly influenced by everything Halloween-y and supernatural like Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Charmed were mass favorites. The 90s era that I grew up in were also rife with films of the same vein as those aforementioned cult TV shows like The Craft and remakes of 60s-80s slasher flicks such as Friday the 13th and Nightmare on Elm Street. To illustrate how huge a fan I was of the occult, supernatural and the unexplained way back when, I even once attempted Wicca spells and considered converting to Paganism---weird thing is, I’m not really religious to begin with---in order to practice Wicca. This then brings us to my…

….2015 halloween plans
Two years ago, my friends and I played dress up and had a small gathering. While it was fun, a lot of them have moved on and almost all of us are apart from each other already so there’s no chance we’re replicating that feat. Unless, maybe, I make new friends which isn’t likely going to happen anytime the remainder of this year yet. I don’t really party out a lot so Halloween this year is something I’ve decided to be spent at home, doing movie marathons of iconic 90s, cult films:

  1. The Craft

  2. The Adams Family

….I might add some teen-young adult slasher flicks in there but I haven’t gotten around to doing so, yet, anyway. Should I not be able to find a third, fourth and fifth film to add to the list, you (readers) are free enough to suggest anything to me at the comments’ section below this entry. I might have missed some 90s Halloween-themed flicks I would have liked should I have seen them back then.

And as a self-confessed neurotic…
After 2 botched attempts at a water fast which was intended to last a full day then gradually a couple of days to three days at most, I'm back to just yoyoing around with a fruits+veggies+herbs/spices smoothies, infused fruits+herbs/spices waters and green teas among others. It'll be awhile before I can go on a juice fast seeing as juicers today cost around 14K-22K Php. I should be able to afford one in two to three months next year.


And...I actually have things I need to do today...

jpop, cutie2, Avex

the jboyband that does not need autotune: SOLIDEMO

I wrote this on Twitter one time yesternight or so: If you're looking for a Japanese boyband that does not need autotune, there's no need to look from one jimusho to another because Avex has it: SOLIDEMO. With the amount of music I listen to from SOLIDEMO this past two to three days, I'm considering using that aforementioned tweet my pinned tweet. Haha.

They strike three things done well: 1 they're good looking: see Nakayama Yuki, Teshima Akito and I'm willing to admit even Sawaki Keiichi, Kimata Hiroyuki and Yamaguchi Tomoya appeal to me in some way and they're not really my type of good looking, Shunei, Takeshi, Kazuya are somewhere behind Yuki and Akito for me in terms of looks; 2 they can sing...YES THEY CAN!---with the winner of 2013 Avex Audition singing subsection, Teshima Akito, HELL YES, they can sing! The other SOLIDEMO members aren't smallfry either and even most of their tracks somehow become an Akito-Kazuki-Takeshi-Shunei singing fest, Yuki, Hiroyuki, Tomoya and Keiichi have their own vocal ranges and styles that complete the listening experience (I, however, often times wish I hear more of Yuki :( seems like these four are always stuck behind the four frontline singers as harmonizers/backing vocals); and 3, well, their dancing is decent BSB-level's salvageable. Pretty much acceptable for a boygroup or boyband.

A small tidbit about SOLIDEMO and lol ((エルオーエル): SOLIDEMO's Teshima Akito and lol ((エルオーエル)'s Sato Yusuke got their tickets into their respective groups via the 2013 Avex Auditions. Akito went on to win the male singing GP trophy, Yusuke grabbed the trophy for the acting subsection or division. I once thought it was Yusuke who won in the singing division but now I know better since stumbling upon SOLIDEMO. I actually was just looking into probably getting into Bridget two days ago but I ended up becoming more of a SOLIDEMO fan. I find Bridget somehow difficult to get into, yet. They're not as radio-, listeners-friendly as these two: Da-iCE that had their major debut in 2013 and SOLIDEMO that had theirs on 2014.

But as always, when it comes to looking into good jboygroups, the total feel of the group is always something I find hard to dismiss. It's the most important and I've been fangirling over a lot of jboygroups since time immemorial---before that, it was you know I'm a veteran at this who's been there since the boybands boom of the 90s. Anyway, SOLIDEMO: Music = good (grade A)---see The One and Girlfriend, the two EDM heavy tracks: Heroine and Rafflesia are just as good, the former for their topnotch harmonies; Handsomeness = they're really tall and Yuki is really cute (what is it with Japan's Yukis that they're often always really cute?!?!?!) and Akito is...well, he's the youngest and a mesh of handsome-cute...? (grade: A++) Presentability: have you seen their wardrobes?!?!? It doesn't help that most of these guys are models: Tomoya is with Non-no, Yuki is 10/1 (jutoshi) Junon Boy 2013---he was in the same group Inaba Yu was in---and so on. Their MVs are the most refreshing I've seen since some of Vimclip's. It's mighty different, say, like, the total opposite of lol's and most of Da-iCE's heavy stuff. Just avoid both Rafflesia and Heroine if you don't like anything dark-ish, edgy from them. Like, a second grade A++. I just really feel sorry they've had to wear white most of the time to give their audience that refreshing look. >.< It must be difficult to eat and drink anything that can stain the whiteness of this group backstage. lol. They expressed the same thought in an interview or ustream show, if I recall correctly.

I'm not sure what the criteria for most people is when they judge song covers---SOLIDEMO has done a lot on their Avex youtube space---but I've long since decided that singing for me is singing; music is music, especially when it's something it strikes a personal chord. Some people prefer their older work: covers of pop songs with just a pianist (therefore most of the songs they covered were turned into really sleepy acoustic ballads) more than their new, EDM-backed sound. Others prefer the latter over the former while a few more like both their covers era and their new EDM-backed generic pop songs era. I'm part of the ones who like both SOLIDEMO eras although I lean more towards their EDM-backed generic pop songs era more. Either way, these really do not bother me as a SOLIDEMO fan. Neither should it bother you if you hope to support this group. I see nothing wrong with the transition this group made from acoustic, sleepy ballads to canned happy and refreshing, sometimes dancy generic pop music. If anything, their move was

Good singing, good looking guys, acceptable or decent dancing (despite not being as cool as Da-iCE's)...that's SOLIDEMO. I find myself listening more to their canned music these days I've even downloaded their tracks onto the iPad to tote around with me whenever I go somewhere. It's the appropriate music to doze off to and chill to while on the go.

girl, backless white dress, I want this dress

equal parts trashy, horrific, thrilling, sexy, mindless: on age-old trashy horror tv series

Trashy, slasher/psycho serial killer/vampire/zombie/werewolf with virile, lively teens or young adults within the ages of 18-25 immortalized horrifically on film is one thing...trashy, episodic horror stuff on tv is another.

I've been looking for good horror tv series to binge on that's not The Originals or The Vampire Diaries or Teen Wolf. I seem to have a lot of issues with a lot of those these days and that's coming from someone who's grown up binging on Charmed on Monday nights back in the 90s and Buffy the Vampire Slayer on Tuesdays or Wednesdays...I don't really remember anymore. I usually now prefer the short-lived horror tv series. So surfing through a site and wikipedia one day, I've finally found a few I can settle down with, snacks in hand and all. These should get me through the pain of having just lost Stalker when the television network holding the rights to that decided they're not having any more.

(photo source: here)
666 Park Avenue reminds me of a modern day-set Carnivale. I mean, you remember HBO's original tv series, Carnivale, right? The one that did not last until the end of the second season because HBO decided to fuck with it and cancel it? Yep. Thanks...for ruining what could have been a blissful, euphoric viewing pleasure, HBO. Anyway, back to 666 Park Avenue. This series---and is only one season-long---is set in one beautiful building in New York City, the Drake. In real life, it's the Ansonia building. I stated earlier that it reminded me of Carnivale, RIP that one, because of the element of the battle between good and evil. Except, of course, Carnivale is more consistent and more compelling there than 666 Park Avenue is. (I'm still bitter about HBO never wrapping up Carnivale nicely for its devoted fanbase and I think their fanbase is/was pretty solid until the end of the second season.) This theme, much to my and a lot of people's dismay, diminishes towards the end when both Henry and Jane, especially Jane, succumb to evil. Main leads are Gavin Doran and his wife Olivia, the latter played by the ever lovely Vanessa Williams and a young couple, Henry Martin and Jane Van Veen. In a nutshell, crazy things are happening in the Drake and you just have to watch the whole 13-episode season. ABC cancelled it after airing episode 13 so that was quite...a disappointment.

I've only seen quite a few episodes of 666 Park Avenue and from the synopsis of every episode I read on wikipedia, I do find it interesting. It's not much of a horror tv series... While you can say that HBO's a crude version of this series in terms of the themes they share, It leans more towards the Devil's Advocate kind interspersed with a little of Rosemary's Baby towards the end. A lot of reviews I've read on this does say that the series is reminiscent of both films. Others have even outlined the similarities it has with the latter. Still, my verdict is that 666 Park Avenue is enjoyable---because the couple-ship of Henry and Jane is just...shippable...they're adorable---despite it being rushed towards episode 13 and as some noted, its inconsistency. If you're the kind that's in for old horror/thriller/suspense films' nostalgia...this works as a reminder of those too. 666 Park Avenue does seem to draw inspiration from a lot of the older horror/thriller/suspense films of the past to build on its unique modern-day sophistication. I am pretty relieved it deviated from the novel series of the same title it was based on, however. I don't really see myself liking much of the series of novels this was based on from the synopsis of those I've read online.

Yep, I'm going to see this series to the end.

Oh, and before I forget...there are a lot of familiar faces in this series. Yes.

(photo source: here)

Hemlock Grove. Okay, so I'm a sucker for accurate portrayals of vampires and Hemlock Grove, despite being an Eli Roth produced series (I don't hate Eli Roth but for pointless gore, sex films he does...I...lied. I could hate him for being a useless contributor whatsoever to a genre I love: horror...) airing on Netflix, this is actually an interesting look into the upir---the mythical day-and-night-walking fanged monster (but good looking and sexy?) of Russia and the vargulf and other types of werewolf of the Eastern European region of the world. I guess, if I'm looking for trashy horror with a little bit of plot...this is what I should be getting into but too late because I'm having second thoughts now after skimming through the novel of the same title this series was adapted from. I've formed a love-hate relationship with half-human, half-upir Roman Godfrey and I just really am disinterested with werewolves and the whole concept of vampire-werewolf friendship. I don't really think they can ever be friends even in the fictional world. I do gravitate around the Roman-Letha shipping, incestuous as that may be as they're half-siblings...different mothers, same father. I think you get the gist of this series. Halfie upir Roman Godfrey befriends a werewolf, gyspy boy, Peter Rumancek as they try to solve some murder mystery in Hemlock Grove. It does sound like the kind of series I would get into...or not really. But I think if you've watched an episode of it and as I predict it actually radiates that trashy horror, slasher flick cut into 13 episodes for one season-vibe...then this is totally one series I can get behind.

I think the one thing that really put me off of this one is that it is a highly sexualized series. There's just so much pointless sex in there. Roth and gang put so much of it in there to demonize (or maybe, skewedly/twistedly maturize) the character of a 17-18 year-old boy fictional character. Guys like Roman are often usually in their early 20s with most being in their late 20s to early 30s or they could be bicentennial like Angel from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. The only character I'm really curious in here about is Letha Godfrey. Unlike the upirs and the werewolves in this series, she's actually surprisingly human---who thinks she's the Virgin Mary (the whole 'an angel impregnated me, fathered my child I'm currently pregnant with' delusion...). So, okay, there's still technically something wrong with her but outside of that, she's the most interesting character in this series for me so far. This is all basing on what I've read or skimmed through from the novel. Other than her storyline, I don't really care much for the series. The series doesn't really give out much since, especially the first season because the novel itself doesn't really have much substance and the lines are just...Grey-ish or outright trash horror flick-type like: ""Baby," said Peter, "my heart has no words. Your smile makes flowers grow and your tits could knock a rhino sideways. I love your ass to pieces and anything that pops out of you..."!?!?!?! What do I have to expect from a novel on vampires and werewolves written by a man (Brian McGreevy)?

The fact that Hemlock Grove, trashy as it may be, is my kind of vampire-werewolf trashy tv series however, puts me on a fence. I'll just let 666 Park Avenue keep me busy for now despite the fact that I think there's so much to improve on, still, with this one.

Those two aside that I'm expressing interest in, I'm still looking into more television series to watch or binge on. A few of them include the crime series Person of Interest and Beauty and the Beast. Now that Mad Men has ended, I'll add that one to my list as well. I've been complaining how a lot of good series or tv series with pilots that held a lot of promise or potential have been cancelled recently. I've caught a lot of those on ETC on cable like Eye Candy and even Star-Crossed to name a few and I'm just...just really disappointed right now at the fate of those tv shows. They're not my lifeline since I can do without some of them, but they were more interesting than anything on TV, local and international combined, mostly because they were new-ish. I think I'm more concerned that there are now close to 0.09% horror tv series existing on television today. Sure there's an abundance of crime dramas and some comedy stuff but nothing that can really hold the interest of the avid horror fan. And I did try Ravenswood but it's not my thing as Vampire Diaries and Teen Wolf really aren't my cup of teas either.

Now, onto some things relating to real life. Ah, I will, officially, be having no stable internet at this time. The postpaid internet connection we have at home has just been completely and fully terminated because my dad decided it's better that we actually relied on everything prepaid. So I'll just be online sporadically. I'll just be focusing on blogging, movie- tv series- drama- downloading this time I won't even be flailing much on twitter anymore. :( Yep. Sad.I know. But this blog will be kept alive along with a few others.

If you guys want to contact me in some way, feel free to send me direct messages on Twitter, email me on the address provided on the intro post or just send me a private message through here.

And I shall see myself out now. I have a few posts to put up later in the month. Hint of things to look out for: a rundown of iconic horror films/flicks I deem classics, a rundown of 90s-2010s artsy, fashion-inclined movies and tv series I find really inspiring...among a few others. I'll just table them in draft format first on a Microsoft wordfile until I can get the time and resources to put them up on this blog.